I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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