remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
