he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
