I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
