I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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