i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
