Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
