we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just high enough for therapy.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
