It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
