chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
