pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
