I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
