allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
