I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
