I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
