I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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