This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
