I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
