it wasn't lemon gatorade
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
