I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
