cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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