big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
