conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
