yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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