I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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