so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
