Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
