Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
