Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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