So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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