I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
