there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm really busy with my period
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