Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
420 ftw
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
