Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Houston, we have a squirter
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
