i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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