I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
