mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
