so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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