a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
