I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
