I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
