Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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