well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
