69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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