I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
