jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He has the fingertips of a God
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
