idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
