If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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