stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
