why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
