i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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