There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
