I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
