why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
