Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
