I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
